Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
