I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
