Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
