Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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