My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
