So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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