i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
