drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
