just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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