Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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