We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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