dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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