well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Farmville is her only friend.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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