i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
