I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
