You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
