she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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