I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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