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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
