I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
