a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
