The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
