I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We need to rekindle our bromance
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
