Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
