I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
