God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
