It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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