Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
