She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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