I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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