The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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