she woke up with a sticky ear
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
