my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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