ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
