idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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