I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
