My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Vodka?
Forever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
