Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
