every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
