i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
