yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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