So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
