i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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