My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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