If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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