I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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