I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
