see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
