I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
