girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
