I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
