What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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