Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
