Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
