We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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