the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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