No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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