I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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