It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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