so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
