My liver just broke up with me...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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