Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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