There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
