i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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