I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
