no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
