:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
