Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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